Regency Culture and Society: Raillery and Pleasantry in Conversation

In this installment from A Treatise on Politeness, etc (1813) authored by A Lady, we learn about the principles of good-humored teasing and other social niceties.  In particular, raillery is likely too difficult for most people to accomplish without offense.  And besides, genteel people don’t laugh.

In our work to pull together Cant: Regency Era Dictionary and Thesaurus we were astounded by how many words there were for fool or foolish person making it clear this was both a common insult and a thing remarked upon in early 19th Century life.  This is echoed below by the idea that men prefer a buffoon to a wise man, although the fool will never earn their esteem.

ON RAILLERY AND PLEASANTRY Raillery has always been considered as tending to enliven conversation it is however a dangerous experiment extremely difficult to practise the bitterness and severity which form a part of it being calculated to sew dissensions and to destroy the strongest friendship Refined raillery pleases those who hear it without wounding the feelings of those whom it particularly affects How difficult a task this to be merry at the weaknesses and follies of our companions and at the same time not offend them In the general we begin to rally a person without intending to offend him we wish to entertain the company but not to distress the individual we must then change the subject the moment we perceive that it is embarrassing or painful Generally speaking I would forbid raillery
lery entirely those who seem least affected by it are at heart offended no person can bear to be made a butt for the company and although the satirical man may make the company laugh he will never gain their esteem or friendship by this quality There is no merit that can secure its possessor from the shafts of ridicule the jester will jeer and the ill natured blockhead will be amused but blockheads only will be entertained the wise and good will be disgusted and thinks the jester more to be pitied than the person who is the object of his ridicule at the same time there are occasions upon which it may be fair to play a little upon each others foibles and when such occur we must learn to bear and forbear When the jest is not intended to offend there is a degree of brutality in giving a sea vere reply the most proper method is to return the jest in kind and punish the satirical wit with his own weapons

The misfortunes of our neighbour should never be the subjects of ridicule they must excite the compassion not the pleasantry of the good and feeling Some think they are entitled to turn the peculiarities of individuals into ridicule to laugh at the fop for his conceit at the miser for his avarice & c but why bring all these characters upon your back you will make enemies for yourself and never correct one of their foibles content yourself with treating them with silent contempt this mode may be the least entertaining but is infinitely the safest It is true men love to be amused many prefer the merry fellow to the wise man but they never esteem him There is something in the character of a buffoon that every body despises it is a difficult part to fill where much is risked and nothing gained it is entirely inconsistent with the dignity of a gentleman and now scarcely ever found but in some contemptible character
racter who is brought into company merely to entertain the rest Youth will hardly believe that a grave sedate person can be as agreeable as one who sets the company laughing it is however certain that we soon become weary of such entertainment and that it is a part that no one can support for any length of time Genteel well informed people seldom laugh the things which excite that sort of mirth in the uneducated vulgar have a quite contrary effect upon the well informed An ill timed jest hazarded at random has often brought on the most calamitous consequences the generality of those who practise this mode of behaviour sacrifice one part of the company to the amusement of the other this is surely bad policy to purchase the friendship of one with the enmity of the other When we allow ourselves this liberty we must be careful not to
presence of jest upon improper subjects or improper occasions It is highly unbecoming to jest upon serious things or in the persons in affliction unless we possess the rare and happy talent of giving the conversation such a turn as may make them for the moment forget their sorrows A man of sense and cheerfulness who knows when to be serious and when to be gay who can unite mirth and decency who can amuse without losing his dignity and be cheerful without forfeiting esteem or confidence will be sure of pleasing and of being universally admired

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