Regency Reader Questions: After Dinner Port

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Thanks for the question, M.L., and for being a Regency Reader!

This is one of those questions where the answer is an “it depends.”  Really, it would depend on the individual male’s preference.

But I figured it might help to put some colour around the concept to give you an idea of where to go with storytelling, and how to figure out whether the man might stay behind.

AFTER DINNER After dinner the subject of conversation should be of a light and entertaining character such as the general news or current literature of the day Keep pace with the tenor of the conversation around you Carefully guard against the wily wine stealing away your brains Then the tongue loosens itself and runs off or floun ders in the mud of a thick utterance or a plunging stuttering Shun all approaches to argument or discus sion you are not met to draw conclusions but to accept them from each other in a friendly way For this reason politics is generally forbidden as an article of conversation for in a mixed company there is sure to be a difference of opinion and men think too keenly upon that to talk amicably about it Besides it is extremely suggestive of the hot electioneering party spirit we witness so often when summoned to record our thought by actual vote Should any one be so rude as to turn a joke upon you turn the laugh as good natur edly as you can upon himself but avoid collision with any one as much as possible Toasts are going out of fashion except at public entertainments A well told ancedote or a clever conundrum is about the only kind of public solo you can venture on When you have joined the ladies alter your style entirely Should the evening be fine and you take a turn in the garden you find yourself paired off with a companion Should that companion be of the fair sex entertain her with the language of Flora or the poetry of flowers or some such sentimental subject Should you be linked to a gentleman you may narrow the choice of your subject and select that which you know he is the most intimately conversant with Dunbar, M. C. (1834). Dunbar’s Complete Handbook of Etiquette: Clear and Concise Directions for Correct Manners. United States: Excelsior publishing house.

This example formulates the historical romance community’s idea: gentlemen stay behind to talk of politics and other manly pursuits, while the ladies retire to the parlor to sip tea and make small talk while they await the gentlemen.  Yet the record reflects some diversity with this tradition.

After dinner when the ladies retire with you from a party of very pleasant men having to entertain as you can half a score of empty or formal females then after a decent time has elapsed and your patience and topics are equally exhausted ringing for the tea & c which you sit making in despair for above two hours having three or four times sent word to the gentlemen that it is ready and overheard your husband at the last message answer Very well inother bottle of wine By the time that the tea and coffee are quite cold they arrive continuing as they enter and for an hour afterwards their political dis putes occasionally suspended on the part of the master of the house by a reasonable com plaint to his lady at the coldness of the cof fee soon after the carriages are announced and the visitors disperse The Literary Panorama. (1806). United Kingdom: (n.p.).

In this instance, its obvious the husband is not being considerate of his wife and trying the patience of all the women.

Some women deplored this tradition and there was a backlash against it in some circles:

which the withdrawing should take place MRS B The custom for the ladies to retire soon after dinner is the relic of a barbarous age when the bottle circulated so freely and toast upon toast succeeded each other so rapidly that the gentlemen of a company soon became unfit to con duct themselves with the decorum essential in the presence of the female sex But in the present age when temperance is a striking feature in the charac ter of a gentleman and when delicacy of conduct towards the female sex has increased with the esteem in which they are now held on account of their superior education and attainments the early with drawing of the ladies from the dining room is to 4 be deprecated as it prevents much conversation which might afford gratification and amusement both to the ladies and the gentlemen The truth this remark is almost generally acknowledged polite circles and it is not now customary for ladies to retire very soon after dinner A lapse the conversation will occasionally indicate a season able time for the change to take place I may take this opportunity of remarking that servants should be instructed to attend to the draw ing room fire and to prepare the lights after dinner Prints periodical works or other publications of a light kind ought to be dispersed about the room and are sometimes useful to engage the attention when any thing like ennui is observable Coffee should be brought up soon and the summoned PARKES, F. (1825). Domestic Duties … Second edition. United Kingdom: Longman & Company.

There are some texts that suggest it was not uncommon, particularly in the latter half of the long Regency, for women to have a drink before retiring:

change your plate The English mode of taking wine seems to be practised with a refinement worthy of all approba tion Some one who sits near the lady of the house should immediately upon the removal of the soup request the honour of drinking wine with her which movement is the signal for all the others If this is not done the master the house should select some lady He never asks gen tlemen but they ask him this is a refined custom attended to in the best company If you have drunk with every one at table and wish more wine you must wait till the cloth is removed The decanter is then sent round from the head of the table each person fills his glass and all the company drinks the health of all the company It is enough if you bow to the master and mistress of the house and to your opposite neighbour After this the ladies retire Some one rises to open the door for them and they go into the parlour the gentlemen remaining to drink more wine

and that often it was smoking a cigar that made the ladies leave for the parlor:

At the risk of shocking our fair readers we must give the injunction as to cigars As there are many very well bred men who from habit acquired early perhaps while they were at college find it necessary to their comfort to smoke a cigar after dinner a plate having a few cigars and some bits of twisted paper on it should be placed upon the table toge ther with a candle If only one person chooses to smoke the master of the house should by all means accompany him if he can do so without any inconvenience If seve ral take cigars this is not necessary Littell’s Spirit of the Magazines and Annuals. (1838). United States: E. Littell and Company.

Here is another example in the late Regency:
Barsac Burgundy or Hock are handed round After dinner Port Madeira and Claret are placed on the table In the highest society the custom of gentlemen asking people at different parts of the table to take wine with them is disappearing each lady being supplied by the gentleman seated beside her Etiquette for the Ladies. Eighty maxims on dress, manners, and accomplishments. Fourth edition. (1837). United Kingdom: Charles Tilt.

I submit to you, Regency Readers, that this custom was not obligatory, and depended on the gentlemen present and also whether or not they wanted to blow a cloud.

In the hypothetical instance, my bet would be on the sole male offering up a Port, Madeira, or Claret to his party before ushering them into the parlor (unless he stepped outside to smoke) to enjoy tea, games, music, and conversation.

Here are some articles about the etiquette and traditions of after dinner port:

Etiquette of drinking Port: Pass the Port | The Gentleman’s Journal 

Quaint British Customs When Serving Port Wine

As with all my answers, they are opinions based on a modern reading of historic text.

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